The Mute Herald

Obviously doesn’t stay in Vegas, otherwise nobody would know about it.

Went there for the NBAA Annual Convention & Exhibition, then spent the first two days locked up in my hotel room sick with the flu.

Vegas was all that it was hyped up to be, yet I was a slightly underwhelmed.  The majority of the action is only concentrated around a strip of road a few blocks long. Much like Dubai it is a city built in the desert, with some really outlandish architecture. And that’s where the comparison screeches to a sudden stop. The gambling, flowing booze and nightlife set it miles apart.  The big hotels slash casinos are  fake reproductions of something else, with the exception of the Wynn and the Encore, which I took a particular liking to. Unfortunately most of the pictures I snapped were from the front passenger seat of a moving car, so I couldn’t position myself for a good shot of them.

Vegas is also a draw because of the concerts and staged events. There are household names like David Copperfield, as well as less known but surely entertaining acts:

The real killer was the flight (14 hours to Los Angeles), following which we had to drive for another 5 hours. And vice-versa.  At least I console myself with the fact the we flew over the North Pole, always had the sun on one side of the plane, and I walked away with some nice shots.

Tired of your job? Sitting on a (really big) pile of cash? Got at year and a half to spare?  Then this is for you!  Emirates Aviation College launched a new course taking you from riding coach to sitting behind the controls.

At the discounted price of AED 600,000 (that’s EUR 115,000), the Ab Initio Pilot Training Programme squeezes into 17 months what is normally done gradually over the span of years.  Granted I’m not immediately aware what the cost runs into usually, but this 600k includes:

• 8 months theory in Dubai
• 2 exams
• 9 months practice in Lisbon
• Full course accommodation in Lisbon
• Final exams

From the literature:

Emirates Aviation College, in collaboration with Jeppesen, is pleased to announce the launch of a JAA Licensed Ab Initio Pilot Training Programme to assist in meeting the future demand for highly skilled professional airline pilots.

Minimum requirements are 17 years of age, high school certificate, medical exam, and a pre-selection process.  Rich parents highly encouraged. Don’t go burning any bridges though, in the accompanying email the College makes an emphasis that, at the end of the course, job placement is not guaranteed.

The recent and ongoing events in Libya have brought unprecedented media coverage to our small island.  Malta has found itself becoming a natural staging area for evacuation efforts of expats fleeing Libya, as well as defecting destination of choice for some military personnel.  There is a lot of suffering taking place in Libya, and I hope the situation gets resolved very soon, for the sake of the people I know who live and work there, and for the Libyan population in general.

But I want to focus on a lighter issue, a pet peeve that I discovered recently, whenever I hear journalists reporting from the “airport in Valletta”

One might say that there are plenty of examples of airports named after the capital and actually situated outside of it.  In Malta’s case I feel it is just wrong. The capital, while of significant national and historical importance, is so tiny (you can walk end to farthest end in 30 minutes at a leisurely pace), that associating an airport with it just jars.  It is called Malta International Airport, not Valletta Airport.

There you have it. Pet peeves. At least I didn’t flood newspapers local and foreign alike, as the people with plenty of time on their hands are wont to do.

Is it a sign of the times that I have to go out of my way to write about what gave me intense satisfaction? No I’m not talking about the sexual kind. It happened at work.

We experimented with CSR marketing (corporate social responsibility) . Instead of throwing away thousands of $$$ to buy marketing materials and give-aways, we tied up with a charity in Africa and gave the money to them, splashing our actions on media and publications.  Look at us, we’re doing good, now please use our services.

This had two direct consequences.  We were the first company in our industry to do this sort of marketing activity, and it caught on with other providers and suppliers.  Potentially many thousands more were donated to various other charities as a result of our actions.  Secondly, and closer to home, we received an email from the charity in Africa.  Attached to it was a class photo of the children who benefited directly from our own donation, holding a thank you message with our company name.  What powerful feedback! It sure beats throwing pennies in a cup and hoping it does not go to fund somebody’s Bentley.

There you have it, this is what causes me to get all emotional each time I view it.  Who knows, maybe a career change is in the cards for me.

An incomplete look at some interesting characters encountered during the MEBA (Middle East Business Aviation) exhibition. Pronounced like amoeba, just without the “ah” at the start. Rocket science.

The security man who ignored the beeps. Long lines amassed at the entrance, waiting for airport-style searches complete with metal detector gate and x-ray machine, but then the search itself was superficial.  While this should have come as a relief, and on some level it did, I also felt that the wait to get in was not justified.  Twice the metal detector beeped on my passage – once the security man looked at my name badge, read out my first name, I nodded sheepishly, and he let me in.  In retrospect I could have told him that no, it wasn’t me, I just found the card lying around. Then again, maybe not.  The other time he just waved me through impatiently.

The magazine distributors who wait like hungry predators, eying their victims as they shuffled to get searched at the aforementioned security entrance, to then pounce on them having not yet finished dressing up.  Got to give out those copies before the competition, who would be less than 2 feet away.  These would be the same people who arrive first at the show and leave multiple copies of their publications on the as yet unattended booths.  I guess somebody has to keep the paper recycling companies in business.  Have to remember this when I next receive a pitch for magazine advertising space and get numbers like “guaranteed distribution to all 6,350,002 attendees and exhibitors”.

The cleaner with the intense gaze.  Before opening time and every 3 hours or so this cleaner would push his carpet-cleaning gadget around, not bothering to actually cover all the space, just making the rounds dutifully. Passing by our booth he would look up and fix his eyes unabashedly upon me. I could feel them like a subcutaneous itch. His wonder wasn’t subdued after doing the rounds several times. I shouldn’t pump up my self esteem though, I’m sure he was giving the same treatment to everybody else.

The caterer who ate our sweets.  We had brought in some give away sweets and left them on our front desk to entice passers-by (event marketing at its finest).  One of the catering reps who stocked us with drinks and coffee made it a point to stock up his pockets with our sweets.  I guess the sweet is sweeter on the other table.  You get the point.

The busy execs with the shade-marked sun-burnt face.  I guess they were standing outside at the aircraft static display in the unforgiving sun. They will take home a souvenir, and most likely be pointed at with amusement, but I’m sure they prefer the 27 degree sunshine over the biting cold of Geneva for EBACE (sister show to MEBA held in May, somewhat busier).

The man sleeping behind the exhibit walls.  Some background – MEBA is held at the airport expo, like GITEX shopper. They used the entire central hall, but partitioned off half of the east hall.  So on one side of the partition high profile companies are peddling their products or services, which could cost millions of whatever currency (if you would be interested in buying a private jet), while on the other side there was this labourer dozing away on a mattress of stand building material waste, who couldn’t care less about the contracts being signed back over his shoulder.  I wish I had access to some overhead gantry, from which I could include both imageries in one frame. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t.

The freebie hunters. Commercially worthless, yet no trade show would be complete without them. They roam the aisles looking for the juicier prizes. Even if it’s a petty item like a pen or a keychain, they will pick it up anyway on principle alone.  If something is particularly fancy, like a mini-gadget, they will return time and again, hoping not to be recognised while snatching the booty. I’m pretty sure they meet hourly to discuss the action plan and exchange experiences, like which stashes are highly guarded and which should only be given the once-over.

I was casually surfing, I mean researching on the internet today, when I stumbled upon this photo in a site header (linking instead of pasting since it’s in Flash).  As is wont to happen to me I was immediately taken back to when I used to perform that task, marshalling in aircraft to their parking position.

I never actually handled an IL76 unfortunately (I did climb into one undergoing repairs in Libya though).  The awesomest aircraft I had to guide to a stop was one like this:

Antonov AN12 / Copyright Angara at Airliners.net

It may not look like much – old, what with the props and all.  But it was noisy, even through the ear defenders. And big. And coming towards me.  I sometimes used to have perverse thoughts on the lines of: what if the pilot didn’t see me? What if one of engines shot off it’s mounting and came towards me?

A turboprop is slow to accelerate, so I used to play these mind games that if something happened, I could duck out of the way, or between the landing gear. Or something.  It was a completely different story with one of these beauties, the private jets:

Bombardier Global Express / Copyright Luc Van Belleghem at Airliners.net

The high pitched whine of the turbine engines gives these aircraft a restless air.  They were built for speed, not for crawling around.  I felt as if the engineering feat was not putting them in the air, but keeping them in check, restrained and obeying the pilot’s commands on the ground.  Which is why, when marshalling one in, I felt like I had the barrel of a (quite large) cannon being slowly pointed towards me, with a shell that was crying and begging to be fired.

I was not scared, I would not have done the job otherwise.  Those thoughts were merely fleeting products of my imagination, which I would shrug off, and get back to there and then.

It was a job I performed with mixed emotions – on one hand I absolutely loved the idea of being close to these high tech machines, climbing on board $50 million VIP aircraft, or being involved in some tricky cargo loading operation.  On the other hand there were the odd timings, the associated running around and the whatever-the-weather requirement.  It could get quite cold in Malta when raining on a February pre-dawn morning.  The office job wouldn’t look so drab then.

Today we heard the tragic news of a hot air balloon accident in Al Ain.  There were two deaths and one serious injury out of the total fourteen persons on board.  I was shocked, both because we had seriously considered doing the activity while the family was here, and because we had actually been to Al Ain two weekends back. 

For some reason while writing this up I visualised myself in a hot air balloon, tumbling in the rough winds and finally crashing to the ground, and realised that it is all too easy nowadays to look at the numbers – deaths, accidents, injuries.  But just give the it some thought and put yourself in the situation.  I assure you the result will give you a new perspective on traumatic incidents, and your reaction to them. 

Imagine yourself lurching from side to side in the balloon’s gondola. The panicked face of the pilot is not reassuring.  Your stomach reacts to the sudden drops.  Visibility is bad, there is lots of sand and grit.  Then all of a sudden – you hit the ground. You are thrown off your feet, hit something hard, feel excruciating pain.  If you’re lucky you’re on solid ground, but in Al Ain there’s a chance you hit rocky outcroppings (sometimes referred to as mountains), in which case there would be further tumbling and crashing.  At the end of this you can barely move, or you can barely breathe, or your eyes won’t open for some reason.  Your insides are violently displaced, and there is a strange taste in your mouth. You may have released your bowels, but that’s the least of your problems.  There are moans and cries of pain.  Or silence. 

If you are lucky you make it.  If not, you are a number for the media.

Of course even if you make it, it does not stop there.  There are many issues to deal with - trauma, shock, hospitals, insurance, family, work disruption, repatriation, the chill that goes down your spine when you see another hot air balloon in the sky.

Upon exchanging introductions with new acquaintances I get invariably asked “So what do you do?” And as I start to explain I often see the eyes of my poor listener glaze over with incomprehension, culminating in a quick nod so I stop the torture.  It is usually also noisy with surrounding conversation, which does not help either.  I will hereby set forth to correct that and record once and for all how I earn my daily bread.

 I work with an aviation services (aka flight support) provider.  It is for the most part a B2B setup, where our clients are the operators of different types of aircraft – be they smaller private jets, larger cargo aircraft, ambulance flights or regular passenger airliners.  These are usually not the ones operating your run of the mill scheduled flights, but rather unplanned flights and sometimes very short notice.

We assist various aircraft, from the smallest Learjet (image via Wikipedia commons)

To the largest cargo aircraft (image via Wikipedia commons)

There are three main areas of services – permits, ground arrangements and flight planning.  At their most basic:

-          Most countries require permits to be issued before an aircraft can fly over them, and these are conveniently called overflight permits.  There are varying degrees of complexity and documents requirements in order to obtain them, differing wildly by country / region.

-          Similarly most airports require a permit in order to land – landing permits (smart huh?). These are sometimes also known as PPR’s – prior permission required.  Unrelated side note: aviation is littered with acronyms, in my opinion evidencing the influence of the US on the industry – around 80% of all general aviation (i.e. non-scheduled) flights happen in the US alone.

-          After an aircraft lands at its destination the pilot cannot just park and leave, there must be services arranged – passengers have to be taken to the terminal and cleared through customs, the aircraft has to be serviced, catering needs to be prepared, etc…  In general this is called aircraft handling and there are usually two main issues in setting it up: whether the agent / airport has the necessary equipment, and how the services have to be paid.  Most operators nowadays do not fill up their aircraft with cash, rather opting to have credit arrangements in place. We pay for the services on the operator’s behalf so they don’t have to worry about it.  Of course this requires having prior arrangements, you cannot just call up a new agent and tell him “don’t worry, I’ll pay you later…”

-          Flight planning is a rather complex subject, but very briefly it covers how an aircraft will get from departure to destination airports, and whether it can actually make it.  The considerations on this latter are: how much fuel it can carry, how many passengers / cargo it needs to carry, and the aircraft performance – how fast it flies and at what rate it burns fuel.  Previously these calculations used to be done manually.  Nowadays we are spared the chore with systems that work it out in seconds.  The route is (almost) never a straight line.  The skies are criss-crossed with airways – roads that can be used by aircraft.  On international flights pilots cannot just fly where they want, so there are rules to ensure safe usage by the increasing volume of flights.

 We also perform charter brokering, which consists of finding suitable aircraft for other parties, the types of which can vary as mentioned above (business jets, cargo, ambulance, etc).  We do not operate our own aircraft, rather contact the operators directly and charter each flight as they occur.

 This should put an end once and for all to the uneasy looks and confused expressions.  When next asked what my job is I’ll probably email the permalink to this post.  I might even think of having the link printed on business cards for offline use.