Friends and colleagues
You might have heard the Boss shout his head off yesterday when he saw this month’s electricity bill. Since much of the increase can be attributed to air conditioner (mis)use, I was tasked with making sure this does not happen again.
For those of you not living in this epoch, I’ll paint the picture. All but three areas within the office are air conditioned, these are: the larger than necessary store, the otherwise unventilated and probably building code violating toilets, and the pantry. Graciously enough albeit unsurprisingly, nobody leaves the toilet doors open. However when the door to the store is not shut, the connecting room’s air conditioner will notice the temperature rising, and will try to set it right again. Quite the futile task, given that the store’s volume is double that of the entire remaining office space.
The pantry on the other hand, although at one dwarf-length squared is the smallest room in the building, has a crafty extractor fan to the outside. This has the effect of sucking cold air from the adjoining room and spewing it outside the building. We have no idea why this was installed, since there are no cooking facilities inside, or even from where to switch the fan off. The only people who seem to benefit are the smokers, who stand beneath the extractor outlet to feel the somewhat cold breeze in the 45+ degrees shade temperature. We suspect building contractor sense of humour was involved at some point, but we can’t be bothered to check or rectify it.
You see, it is not just about the money, which we will disproportionately charge to your salary if you are caught setting the temperature too low or leaving doors to the store room and/or pantry open. It’s about the little white baby seals that get squashed beneath a block of solidified CO2 by-product of the needless power generation, the postcard perfect white landscape suddenly looking like the aftermath of a zombie polar bear buffet.
Now that the image is stuck in your head, let’s add another dimension to it. Whenever you go through an aforementioned door and foolishly choose not to close it, you will hear the baby seal plead incomprehensibly in that squeaky little voice, yet you know what it’s asking for. You look back and in the store/pantry you see, not the seal itself, just a floating close-up of its ridiculously bambi eyes, about to burst with tears and catching the light with their moisture. The eyes that wordlessly plead the same message.
Help me! Close. The. Door.
Thank you for your future cooperation. I look forward to seeing the result of this communique in reduced future electricity costs.
Yours truly
